Marriage Mondays' with The King's Podcast

Fostering Growth and Balance in Marital Relationships

Marriage Mondays with the Kings

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Join us on a sacred journey through the landscape of matrimony, where we'll explore the profound impact our individual contributions have on our marriage. Together, we promise to uncover the essence of what it means to bring value to your partnership, whether it's the fire that purifies or the ice that preserves. From the biblical narratives of loyalty and devotion in Ruth to the personal growth exemplified by Joseph, we'll share practical insights that will empower you to build a stronger, more balanced bond with your significant other.

Ever wondered how to strike the right balance of power and respect within your marriage? This episode, we're candidly discussing the common myths about partner availability, the dangers of settling, and the necessity of being equally yoked with your spouse. We share our own experiences in forming a strong marital partnership, emphasizing the need for teamwork and shared decision-making. It's time to reflect on how to foster a relationship that thrives on mutual growth and compatibility.

As we wrap up this heart-to-heart, we delve into the interplay between relationship dynamics, mental health, and maintaining a healthy marriage. From setting boundaries to the importance of seeking counsel, we'll guide you through the factors that contribute to a thriving partnership. We invite you to engage with us, sharing your thoughts and questions, as we continue to build stronger marriages for a fortified society. Remember, it takes two to build a marriage, but only one to destroy it; tune in next Monday for more empowering discussions.

Kenya:

Welcome to Marriage Mondays with the Kings. I'm Kenya and I'm Shan, and we are the Kings.

Shan:

We are back Marriage Mondays with the Kings. We're so happy that you are joining us on tonight for another show. We're going to get into tonight's show, but you know, as we always say, we can't do that without thanking our sponsor. So Christian Humor 4 slash Inspiration is a group that is designed to uplift, inspire and bring humor to everyday life in a Christian way. So if you are in the social media, please check them out, simply by going to search them on Facebook at ChristianHumorcom.

Shan:

Now, we never open our show without going before the Lord in prayer. So we ask that, if you all are safely able to do so, bow your head. If you are listening, with your honey or as a family, we ask that you join hands as we go before the Lord in prayer. Most gracious Heavenly Father, we come to you, dear God, just thanking you for another day. Dear God, we thank you for being in the land of the living, dear God, because we know that there are many. That is not, dear God. Dear God, we thank you for ordering our steps. We thank you for keeping us, protecting us and leading us, dear God. Dear God, we thank you for ordering our steps. We thank you for keeping us, protecting us and leading us, dear God. Dear God, we lift our leadership around the world up to you, dear God, in every capacity. If it's a teacher leading a classroom all the way up to officials, dear God, that leads countries, heavenly Father, we ask that each and every one of these individuals, or anybody that's in a leadership position, will humble themselves enough to fall to their knees, dear God, and ask you how to guide and how you want them to direct and guide your people, dear God, dear God, we ask that, as a people, that you will continue to just enter into our lives, dear God, that you will continue to just direct us and keep us. Heavenly Father, we ask, dear God, that us as individuals, dear God, be willing to allow you to come in, dear God, that we don't make decisions of our own self, our own flesh, and, dear God, turn around and say that it is of you.

Shan:

Heavenly Father, dear God, we thank you so much for what you are doing in marriages and we lift every marriage up to you, dear God. Dear God, anything that the enemy tries to do to come against marriage or make the institution of marriage look bad, dear God, we ask that you will bind that thing right now, in the name of Jesus, heavenly father, we ask that you will continue to allow individuals that you have chosen to speak up and speak out boldly pertaining to marriage and how you desire for it to be, dear God. That marriages will continue to be examples to others, dear God. That there will again be a desire in the hearts of many for marriage, heavenly Father, and that individuals will wait on the person that you have created for them to marry, dear God, not who they think, but who you have created, heavenly Father, we thank you so much for Marriage Mondays with the Kings giving the opportunity to be able to go before your people.

Shan:

Dear God, we ask that it be less of Kenya and I and more of you, dear God, that you would use our mouths as a mouthpiece to be a blessing to many, those who are struggling right now in their marriage, those who do not know which way to turn. Dear God, let the words that we speak be answered, prayer, dear God, and direction for those who feel like they want to give up. Dear God, we ask that you please remove the enemy off their marriage, heavenly father, and that they will not listen to individuals who are tied to the enemy, heavenly father, but they will turn to you, that they will seek guidance, dear God, for their marriage, not when it's just in turmoil, but as a precaution, dear God, that they will pre and be determined to seek out guidance when it comes to their marriage. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much for Kingdom Revelation, gospel Network and Prosperity Broadcasting, dear God, that allows us to go forth and not just us, but many of your people, dear God, on KRG, and to go forth to be a mouthpiece and a blessing to many who are struggling.

Shan:

Dear God, we ask that those who are struggling as this is mental health month, heavenly father, with mental challenges, dear God, we ask that you would just show up and show out, dear God, that what they may be going through will be temporarily, heavenly father, that the rain will lift, dear God, and that they will turn their trial into testimony, dear God, Not they, but you, dear God, that they will go about just spreading the testimony of you, heavenly Father, how you came in and showed out at their lowest point. Not only that, dear God, but that they would open their hearts for you to be able to come in. We ask that you will bless this show on tonight, dear God. We ask that you would just continue to keep Kenya and I as we go forth in obedience to you. Heavenly Father, we ask and pray all these things in your son's Jesus name, amen.

Kenya:

Amen and our foundational scripture for the show comes from Matthew, the 19th chapter and the sixth verse, and it reads so they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Shan:

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate, and our motto for Marriage Mondays with the Kings is helping to build stronger marriages, which lead to stronger families and stronger communities.

Kenya:

And our KRGN disclaimer. Views expressed on this show are those of the hosts, guests and callers and are not necessarily those of this station, its management or other advertisers. This station holds no responsibility for the validity or accuracy of information on this show.

Shan:

And please keep in mind that, although we are counseling professionals, the information shared on our show is for ministry educational purposes only. Also, note that topics discussed are reflective of supporters who contact us desiring to have a deeper knowledge of these topics. No information is shared on our show based upon our counseling experiences. Topics are for the encouragement of marriages, families and communities as God desires us to minister.

Kenya:

And so the topic that we're going to be speaking on tonight kind of goes back to a series that we were doing a little while back. It happened to be a part of our love series that we did not get a chance to get to, and so the topic tonight is marriage. What do you bring to the table, fire or ice? Once again, the topic for tonight marriage. What do you bring to the table, fire or ice?

Shan:

And so we want to let you all know because we always share this with you, kind of like, how these topics come about. I'm going to definitely say that I feel you know, I'm sure Kenya may feel the same way that it is directed by God, and so we didn't come up with this topic on our own happened to be having a conversation with an amazing counselor in the Central Texas area and her name is Yanikaka willis, and so we were just kind of talking about, if you will, um, when it comes to marriage, it's like, what is it that people bring? Now let's kind of go back a little bit, and I know kenya have some things that he want to share, but if you all remember, not too long ago maybe, maybe it was last year, whatever the case may be everybody was so big the singles, that is of what do you bring to the table? You know, all these little I'm going to say corny cliches, y'all just pray for me, but what do you bring to the table? And so I kind of get it, but then, at the same token, I don't.

Shan:

However, we're going to speak and share some things with the singles on tonight, but we share some things with the singles on tonight, but we are wanting to really focus on marriage, asking those who are in marriage what are you bringing to the table? Are you bringing fire or are you bringing ice? And so, looking at those two elements fire and ice they can go, they can both be bad or it can be good, and so, however, god allows us to speak about those elements in certain instances. That's what we will be doing on tonight.

Kenya:

You know, I think just starting off we just got to go bare bones with it and just start breaking it down. Number one this whole thing about individuals having a conversation. What do you bring to the table? People may ask well, why do you want to know that Oftentimes in relationships what we're trying to do is to really establish communication, establish connection, find out what it is about this individual, to see if I can really have a continued attraction to you. Because for a lot of individuals you can come to the table, you can look good in this, that and other, you can sound well, but when they really found out the deep innards of you, if you will, that's going to make a determination if you desire to seek more in that relationship. So this is one of the things I was doing in my notes.

Kenya:

When you ask that question, what do you bring to the table, stop and think about a table in your home, in a restaurant, anywhere a table may be, and think about the setting that may be or that may come with that table, and there's some things that are good and there's some things there that you may want to be careful about. See, a table is a place where we can come and we can gather around, we can communicate, we can share ideas, we can share thoughts. We can even take time enough to get to know individuals at a deeper level. We may be discussing business and things of that nature when it comes to eating. Oftentimes you have a tablecloth and that tablecloth kind of covers the actual table so that maybe something that you may spill or something doesn't stain that table. Now you may be on there, kenya. Where are you going with this? Because when you're having this conversation, when it talks about what do you bring to the table, what are you doing to protect yourself from the things that that person had? That may be either fire or ice that may damage your table? That's already there.

Kenya:

See, we have to understand that sometimes with a table, there comes decorations that are there, so it's someone throwing you out decorations, making it look good, but it's really something that's not that's going to be good for you. So that's why I like to bring that out. We have silverware that goes on the table that's designed to help someone eat. That's not just natural food, that's spiritual food. That's there is knowledge being presented for an individual so they can feed their mind. It's a whole lot deeper than just somebody coming in and saying, hey, well, what is it about that you can bring to the table? It's going to be beneficial to me. Yes, that's the part that I definitely want to jump into and start to talk about. Yes, that's the part that I definitely want to jump into and start to talk about. And so the first thing that I have to say when it comes to bringing things to the table Number one everything doesn't have to be spoken at a table.

Kenya:

Sometimes your actions are going to speak way louder than your words, and so, while we have a person that may be sitting there in front of us telling us what this is, what I can do, this is how I can make you feel, this is what I can give you, this is what I can, this and that, but if their actions don't line up with that, you need to mirror those things up, because a lot of people in the beginning will show you a whole bunch of good stuff and then, when you deepen that relationship, it's the complete opposite.

Kenya:

So, while it's important to have these conversations, you might want to be looking and doing some checking as singles, even in your relationship, as being married, to say, hey, this person is showing me all this, or they're saying all this but they ain't showing me nothing. So it's important that if you're going to have that conversation about what you bring to the table, y'all got to break that thing down to the most finite thing and ask yourself that question Is this person going to bring some fire, let's say on the good side, that's going to motivate me, that's going to light me up to do things, it's going to fuel me to do things in relationships, or are they going to bring some type of destruction that's going to push me away from the relationship, that's going to put me down and put that person on the pedestal? It can go so many different ways. So once again, ask yourself that question what do you bring to the table?

Shan:

Yes, so I'm sitting up here thinking about God preparing a table for us Now thinking about that from a marital standpoint.

Shan:

We go for God, we're at the altar, we are either courtroom, whatever the case may be, we have witnesses to where we are vowing to one another, what we are going to do in our marriage before God. Now, let's kind of bring this Most people, I think, when it, when you think about God prepares a table before us, god prepares a table in the presence of our enemies and different things like that. We think about Psalms 23 and 5. I want to make sure that I didn't get that wrong For those of you who are listening. If you want to watch us, please go to Marriage Mondays with the Kings YouTube channel. You can watch us right now. Okay, now, god prepares the table for us in the presence of our own enemies.

Shan:

I remember growing up in church how people used to speak about more so focusing on God preparing a table for us and talking about when we go to heaven. Ok, what I want to know, if you are married, husband and wife, and you're listening to this show, are you watching this show on our social medias or whatever the case may be, what God has prepared, the table. God has given us instructions, basic instructions in his word of what we should be doing as husband and wife. So what part are you playing in that table that God has already prepared when you became no longer two but one? Oh, that's good. What are you bringing? So, when we say what are you bringing to the table, think about it. In that aspect is what I want you all to do for a moment. When you said I do after you, you know, you said I do, you put the rings, you did all the ceremonial stuff and, you know, had the nice one, all that. God has prepared this table for the two of you to come forth to the table. I want you all to think about, and I don't want to jump ahead of myself. Think about business partners, think about partnerships. When you come to the table, that thing is about business and generally, nine times out of 10, when you come to the table especially if you all have ever been to a business table or even a meeting at your job or whatever you come, meaning business, you're coming to together as individuals so that you can help, you know, bring your minds together to produce a positive outcome for you going forward.

Shan:

A lot of individuals are too busy coming to the table Like, can you just say it, to see what they can get out of the table. You're not interested in putting nothing in it. I I mean forgive me if I'm wrong. Like I said, I don't know the word of God backwards and forwards and all this kind of stuff like that. Um, what I'm saying?

Shan:

To try to act like I'm this deep bible scholar, but I do not see anywhere in the scriptures where the word of god says that you should go into a marriage with your mindset on what more than you can receive than what you can give. When we think about the new testament and the word of god talk about the husbands, what the husband should do. When we think about, uh, first corinthians, chapter 13, the love chapter, is this commonly referred to? It's not talking about what you should be. It says the word of god tells us give so you can receive. So how are you coming to a table that god has prepared for you with a mindset, a serpent mindset? That's what I'm gonna say. That's good. How?

Kenya:

are you coming with a serpent mindset, that's what I'm going to say.

Shan:

That's good. How are you coming with a serpent mindset? And I remember, um, our recent show, babe, you had said something about oh, we are allowing the world to mess up our marriages. We are allowing the world, we are giving the world permission to mess up our marriages. And so when we when this part world permission to mess up our marriages, and so when we when this part, um, having this conversation with unique will is the part about fire and ice. Now let's look at these elements. So you have fire. Okay, fire can be a good thing because fire can purify. They use fire to, uh, when it come to diamonds, in the process of making a beautiful diamond, fire can be used to burn away impurities, and correct me if.

Kenya:

I'm wrong, and gold yeah.

Shan:

Gold, all these things. So fire can be a beautiful thing. However, in my mindset, when I think about oh and this is another positive thing when they say keep your fire burning in your marriage, that right, there is a glorious thing. Listen to the words that I just said Keep your fire burning in your marriage. Too many of us focus on keeping the fire burning in everybody else's marriage, that's good, but see, we're not ready for this grown folks conversation on tonight.

Shan:

See, we didn't already pray that God speaks through us? That's why a lot of marriages are messed up. Now let's flip the element when it comes to fire. Let's flip it for a minute, asking yourself are you the one responsible for bringing destruction to your own marriage? Fire can burn, fire can destroy. It's a whole bunch of negatives when it comes to fire. So if you are listening as a husband, a wife or a husband and wife, don't be so quick to point the finger to your spouse. For those of you who are listening, you've been married before. I say this all the time I feel like when I'm in the presence of an individual or individuals who've been married before I say this all the time I feel like when I'm in the presence of an individual or individuals who've been married before and have gotten divorced, I learned so much from them when they take personal responsibility, when they say, yeah and my husband has said it so many times on this show yes, I was married before. Yes, shannon is my second wife. You know, in my last marriage there's things that my ex did wrong and it's things that I did wrong.

Shan:

Personal responsibility A lot of us want to blame God. You're destroying yourself. Okay, a lot of us want to blame God. We want to blame marriage and say marriage is not real. So do you mean that God is alive Because he created the union of marriage? I mean, that's what I've always been taught. So you got that. And then, when it comes to marriage, you're not taking or divorce, you're not taking a personal responsibility. So you mean to tell me you've been married three or four times and divorced three or four times, and it was always everybody else, it was never you. That is very destructive. That's that fire that we're speaking about Now. I talk about ice and Olivia.

Kenya:

All right. So you know, I agree with everything you said. And to go back, as we say that we are letting the world destroy our marriages, and a lot of times it's because we're looking at everything else, trying to bring that into the relationship, because it looks good on TV, it looks good on social media, but you ain't seeing all that stuff once those cameras get turned on. And so one of the things that I think we need to do, if you want to talk about what do you bring to the table before you get married Individuals that are married you can go back and take a look at your relationship, but I want to specifically talk to the singles, just for a minute. Ok, I want to take everybody all the way back to somebody that brought some stuff to the table, and we always, in a sense, take that for granted. I want to go back to the book of Ruth Now.

Kenya:

For those of you that are familiar with the story, y'all know that Ruth was very, very patriotic. She was very loyal to Naomi, who was her mother-in-law, and no matter what happened in her life, ruth stayed with Naomi. Now, watch this, I'm going to go down to the 15th verse or 16th verse. And Ruth said entreat me not to leave thee or to return from following after thee, for where thou goest I will go and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and thy God my God, right off the bat. There, naomi has not met her husband yet, but she's showing people in and around her who she really is. She's showing that she's loyal, she's showing that she's faithful, she's willing to do to help someone else, and it doesn't have to be at her benefit. So before she even got to the table, the conversation is already being had.

Kenya:

Now when you get down to that fact where she comes into close proximity, if you will, with Boaz.

Kenya:

She's out in the field working. Boaz sees her off in the distance and say hey, hey, hey, you're one of the leaders here, one of the people watching over the people in the field. Who is that woman right there? So see, you're already showing what you bring to the table, before a word was even spoken out of her mouth. But then she gets that opportunity to say only thing she wants to do is to be able to glean. And when you look up the word glean, it's going to tell you that in that particular time, when she was in the field, in the wheat fields, she's taking the stuff that's left over. And she's still yet speaking to her soon to be husband because I can take a little and make a lot. Ladies and gentlemen, what do you bring to the table? Do you have that type of sincerity within you to follow someone and glean from them, so that in the end, your benefit is going to come, because God is going to put somebody in position to see what you're doing? So, once again, it ain't always about the talking.

Kenya:

It's about the action. The second part that I want to get into this and I hope we don't roll through this too fast is that for some reason, everyone thinks bringing something to the table always has to be materialistic. Okay, doesn't have to be that way. It should not be that way. Why do we see that what Ruth brought to the table wasn't materialistic? She brought her loyalty, she brought her faith, and along with that, later down the line, came the favor and the blessings of God. See, we always want something that's going to make us feel good for the moment or make us shine, to have a status. I got this car, I got this house. He makes six figures. She does this, she does that. Ain't none of that worth anything?

Kenya:

If God takes it all away from you, what are you giving back to God? What are you giving back to your people? It all away from you. What are you giving back to God? What are you giving back to your people? Are you too busy trying to set yourself up for success to say I got all this, instead of saying what do we both bring so that we can multiply that and be able to help other individuals? Now, if you want to go back with that. You can go in the New Testament.

Kenya:

You can see what Jesus fed the five thousands. They were trying to send the people away because they were pressing against him and he said don't send them away. He said we need to feed them. How many people in your life as a husband, as wife, as boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, whatever the case may be have you not taken the time to show what you bring to the table by pushing people off instead of taking care of God's people? Because, in the end, when you do that, everybody is blessed, including yourself. So when Jesus asked the end, when you do that, everybody isn't blessed, including yourself. So when Jesus asked the disciples that we need to feed them, they said the only thing we got is two fish and five loaves of bread. In other words, watch this. You're just about to take something that's little and you're about to feed 5,000 people. What are you bringing to the table that you can multiply? That's what it should be about. It should be about multiplying the things that you have, whether it's something materialistic or whether it's something that's internal, a characteristic, or something about you that can help yourself and other people. So at that time, jesus is breaking bread and feeding all those individuals. And he did it because one little boy had five fish, or five loaves of bread and two fish and I've said this before on the show, I've used this as an example.

Kenya:

I had a friend of mine who was a minister, I want to say, up around the Detroit, in the Michigan area, somewhere up in Michigan, and he asked me that a long time ago. He said, if you was there then when Jesus made that miracle happen, would you rather be the fish or the bread? And I'm sitting there looking like man, I don't know, this is crazy. I don't know, maybe the bread. And he asked me why. I don't know, there's more bread to go around. He said, no, it don't matter which one you pick, as long as you want to be multiplied. So when you're talking about coming to the table, talk about what you bring to the table that can be multiplied for other individuals benefits, because God is going to reap he's going to let you reap a good reward if you are doing what you're supposed to do by serving him, by serving other individuals, because your marriage, your relationship is all going to be best and better than blessed, because you're obedient, because you're not just thinking about you, you're also thinking about others.

Shan:

Yes. So I want to go back to the element of ice. I want us to because? To the element of ice? I want us to because are you fire? Are you ice?

Shan:

You really need to examine yourself and that's something that we share a lot on the show and ask yourself what are you? You know how people say, and I think it's we are not to think as highly of ourselves. We are not, but for some reason, especially in this newer day in time, a lot of individuals think more highly than themselves than they should. I mean just being honest. So that's why sometimes, when Kenya and I set up and say examine yourself, are you the problem? Could you be the source or the root of the issue? A lot of people still won't take the time to acknowledge and examine that you may very well be the problem.

Shan:

So, when it comes to the element of ice, ice can help preserve. We think about food. We think about I was about to say icebox, because I'm country, I still say icebox but we think about a refrigerator. We think about a freezer or deep freeze, as say in the country um, and things like that. So it could have some good you know some good elements to it. People take ice baths. I could not unless I absolutely have to.

Shan:

I don't big up to the uh, the sports athletes oh, my god bless y'all's heart because I would be screaming. But you know, they said it's supposed to help with muscles and you know all this kind of things like that. However, when I think about ice when it comes to a relationship, I think of somebody that's cold and heartless. I think about somebody this selfish um, people have been wearing this diagnosis out. I can't you know what I'm about to say. I cannot stand when people use this word and don't even really know what it means. You are so upset that things didn't work out in your relationship or your marriage or whatever. So everybody's a narcissist. Do you really even know what that mean? You know? Quit jumping on a bandwagon with words that you have no clue. And for those who are licensed mental health providers, licensed professionals, they just looking at you and shaking their head because you're using it out of context. So please stop using that word. But ice can definitely destroy. Think about people who are stuck in a snowstorm. Think about people who are stuck in an avalanche and they try to get to them as fast as they can, because you can get frostbite and all these different things like that. So ask yourself whether it be fire or ice. Are you bringing certain elements to your marriage that is destroying, you're bringing it to God's table. So think about your husband and your wife. If you're visual, like I am sitting at a table that God has prepared for you. Now he didn't lay it out. Can you say you got the utensils, you got the cloth, everything looked good for you? Now he didn't lay it out. Kenya said you got the utensils, you got the cloth, everything looked good. But you two, as husband and wife, have to work together in partnership in order to multiply this thing, like Kenya was saying with the fish and the bread. So is your marriage being multiplied? If your marriage is not being multiplied, you can't always set up and blame it on your spouse Because, like I always say that people don't want to hear, you're the one said I do, I don't know, you know, no, no, knock to kentucky, tennessee. You know we used to be stationed there for some years, but I even there when we were stationed there. I don't remember hearing about any shotgun weddings. It sounds like that you willingly said I do to your husband or your wife. So let's stop with the blame game, because what I've this is something that I commonly say in the 2024, feel free to borrow it, but just make sure you trademark it here first.

Shan:

I always share with people that I do not play well with adult children. I don't play well with adult children. I prefer being that I've went through my healing journey and did what I was supposed to do. I prefer to deal with adults. Adult children make excuses. Adult children like to point the finger. Adult children like always say what are you doing? Because if God is truly in your marriage, how can you be acting like an adult child when God has given us the BIBLE as a foundation? Adult children. So when it comes to your marriage, ask yourself again if you're visual sitting at the table, husband and wife. Because think about when you go to a wedding, they have the head table right. You have the husband and the wife. That looks nice, they all dressed up and all the things like that. So that's beautiful. Like ken, you were saying all the decorations and things. But then ask yourself visualize, are you the one sitting there in an adult body but you in a toddler's booster seat?

Kenya:

That's good.

Shan:

Ask yourself that's only a question you can ask yourself. Do you throw temper tantrums like a child or do you conduct yourself and carry yourself as an adult, as the wife that God has called you to be, as the husband that God has called you to be to lead your home and your marriage? Wife, you're being an amazing help me, as God has called you to be. So in a bit, I want to kind of touch on partnership. I found an excellent explanation for partnership when it comes to marriage and that's good.

Kenya:

And you know, one of the things that I really like to look at and I'm gonna go back again to you know the story of Ruth, because there's some things I really want to bring home there.

Kenya:

We focus too much on, once again, the materialistic things that usually develop or come out of a relationship. You know, we talked about it before. I want this man to come to me and he already has to have himself straight. But do you have yourself straight? Most of the time we don't. We're expecting all these things out of one person but we're not willing to do the things that need to be to kind of take care of ourselves, to boost ourselves up, to make our self-esteem better, to fix the issues that we have going on in our life. Sometimes you may run across an individual that's not going to bring all that to the table. They ain't got the money, they ain't got this. But if you can really connect with that individual, based off of your loyalty, like Ruth, based off of your hard work and dedication like Ruth, then there may be a different benefit that you get in the end, and it's not going to always be of a monetary value.

Kenya:

So let me show what I'm talking about value. So let me show what I'm talking about. I'm going to go back to Ruth, the second chapter, and I'm going to start down at the 11th verse. And it reads and Boaz answered and said unto her it had fully been shown me all that thou has done unto thy mother-in-law since the death of thine husband and how thou has left thy father and thy mother and the land of the nativity and art come unto thou people, and thou knewest not heretofore. So in other words, he's saying that she's already showed some things to him that he likes. You stay with somebody after the death of your husband, but you left your father and your mother and stayed in this particular country.

Kenya:

One of the first things it says when you get ready to get married that you got to leave and cleave. So she's showing that she has this biblical virtue about her and they ain't even talked about. Well, how much land do you have? How many sheep do you got? Do you got cattle on a thousand hill? Ain't none of that came about? He's looking at what she's bringing to the table and she ain't had to say a word about it because her actions are speaking louder than the words. Now I'm going to go down even further. And he said, when she was risen up to glean because now he's allowed her to glean Boaz commanded his young men saying let her glean, even amongst the sheaves, and reproach her.

Kenya:

Not See, when somebody sees something that's so good in you, of the things that you're bringing to the table, not only are they going to let you do a little bit, because it says let her go ahead and glean, that's what she requested.

Kenya:

But then he added to that request we're going to let her glean, but don't rebuke her either. All right Now, this is just the way God works. This is just what I'm trying to show you. Then it says so she gleaned in the field, even into even, and beat out that she had gleaned, and it was about an ephah of barley. So in other words, when she was out there collecting the stuff that was left over, she still had to beat it out to get the treat, if you will, or the substance that she was going to need to be able to eat. And it says, and her mother-in-law said unto her where thou hast gleaned today, answer that question. And where wroughtest thou, blessed be he that did take knowledge of thee. And she showed her mother-in-law, with whom she had wrought, and said the man's name with whom I wrought today is Boaz, All right Now.

Kenya:

And Naomi said unto her daughter-in-law blessed be he of the Lord who have not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said to her the man is near of kin unto us, one of our next kinsmen, and Ruth and the boy said unto me also thou shall keep fast by my young men until they have ended all my harvest. Now watch this. She didn't have nothing. She asked to glean. She went and gleaned, but he said don't say nothing to her, Don't say nothing wrong against her Now, even after he had said let her glean that time. This right here tells us that even as the Moabites were continuing to get stuff out of the fields, she was still able to gather some things that are there.

Kenya:

Sometimes, the thing that a person brings to the table, that hard work, that dedication, pays off way down the line. It ain't just what they're going to see right there, and it doesn't have to be about a new car or a $600,000 house or a $100,000 job. It's about what virtue that individual has that somebody else sees in them. That will help multiply that individual so that both of those individuals end up making it in the end. See, sometimes we have to understand and I've got a lot of biblical scripture when it comes to this sometimes we don't understand that the very people in our lives that be set out to hurt us really end up helping us that's true.

Kenya:

Think about joseph that they dug a pit for him because, oh, he's daddy's favorite. Look at the coat he got. We're going to take this pit and we're going to dig it. We're going to dig this pit and we're going to take his coat and do some things to it and take it back to daddy and say something bad happened to him.

Kenya:

But then Joseph ended up being in the palace from the pit to the palace and then didn't hold no grudge, came back and because of the things they did to him in the position that he was in, he was able to bless his family. So why do I say that, whatever you bring to the table, you got to be ready for some pits to come in there as well, because there's going to be some people that don't want you to eat at the table Come on, but then they go eat because of you. I'm going to leave that one alone and come back to that one later.

Shan:

Look, I like how this. This is just so juicy Good to me. This is what I wrote down when you were, when you were speaking, um and this is in reference to the part where you talking about the requirements, because we hear this a lot where people require, um, I hear single, single men, mainly single women. Uh, you know, no knock, but I just keep it real. They say, oh no, he got to have this, he got to have that. We talk about this all the time.

Shan:

So what I put is in marriage, require what you are. In marriage, require what you are. So, if you are a single person and you're thinking about getting married, require what you are. Don't require something that you are not. So it could be on easy street and that's why a lot of people in this day and time say there are no good men and women out there. I used to say that way back in the day because I used to hear the women say that a lot oh, there is no good men. But I come to find out that's false. I come to find out that that is truly a false statement and I can admit that right now, today on this show, but require what you are. And so, if you are, let's say, uh, ma'am, sis, if you are, you have your own home, you have a job, um, you know you, you pay your own bills and this, that and other, then okay, require what you, what you are, you know.

Shan:

It don't require a millionaire for you to be married to a millionaire so you can live this easy life that everybody's talking about. When you're not a millionaire, You're probably in debt. You may have all these things, but it doesn't match. I would go as far as saying I hope I'm not taking them. That's unequal People like to use the word unequally yoked. That's unequal because you're trying to require something that you are not. So get that foolishness out your head.

Shan:

Like Kenya was saying when he was reading the scriptures listen, sis was out there in that field doing a doggone thing, her husband, and see when people would say I can't wait for my Boaz, I can't wait for my Boaz, and you never really read the scripture. You was just jumping on the Boaz Boaz bandwagon, but when you read the scripture, sis was out there working Boaz. Seen her working. Okay, but see what we mess up too on the flip side is ladies. I don't know why I'm on this, but I'm going to be on. It is, we'll set up here and yeah, we are. We have the things that we require.

Shan:

But then you settle because you operate out of the will of God. You allow a man to come in because he said you cute and he liked the way you look in that dress. Can we keep it real for a moment on tonight? You set up and allow this joker to see. He slowly started creeping in. Next thing, you know he dropping you off at work, he's sleeping on your couch. And then you know we know this is an inspirational show, but he's sleeping in your bed. And the next thing, you know he talking about, he the man and he the head of your household.

Shan:

And I almost said something that I ain't got no business saying. Thank you, lord, for bridling my tongue, cause I'm about to say something that we say in the country, but y'all know what they say about the pot and the window. I'm gonna let y'all figure that out. So now you set up her big man, because you didn't allow some, a serpent, to come and leech off of you. Okay, but anyway, now let's talk about um building together in a partnership. So we're sitting at this table. We didn't got married. We didn't say I do. What does it look like to be in a, uh, a marital partnership? And when we, when we speak about this, when I speak about this, I'm talking about between the two of you. Okay, because that's another thing. I'm gonna say this A lot of the leaders in the ministries are not going to like it, but let's just keep it honest on tonight.

Shan:

Um, I remember it being said, the three, uh, braided the strand the three braided cord the three, the three, and so how it's often illustrated is God the husband and the wife, god the husband and the wife, that being the three, god being the foundation and also the head of their marriage. But oftentimes we allow those who are in leadership positions, whether it be at work, church, your organization or whatever the case may be. Now you got all these extra strands in your court. Now it's about 15 people up in there trying to tell the sisters over here in this organization is trying to tell me what to do, and the brothers over there in that organization trying to tell them what to do. Then we go to church in the past and his wife wait a minute, what kind of foolery is going on up in here? That's 15 to 20 different strands. Y'all might want to narrow that back down to god and the two.

Shan:

Okay, so let's talk about this partnership thing. This is what I wanted to read. I looked it up, um and so, um, what I looked up is a marriage partnership depth definition, and you know I found this on Google. Okay, I'm not going to act like I came up with this and and check this out. It said a marriage partnership is a business model that views marriage as a partnership between two people who contribute time, money and energy to the marriage. In a true partnership, both partners are equally committed to the marriage and wanted to succeed. Let me say that one more time In a true partnership, both partners are equally committed to the marriage and wanted to succeed. Both partners are equally committed to the marriage and wanted to succeed. They should also have an equal voice in all decisions and feel like they can influence the relationship.

Shan:

Here are some ways to build a marriage partnership Share power. Make an intentional effort to share power and accept influence in your marriage. Honor your spouse's preferences. It says. Consider each other's needs and treat each other with respect. Okay, work as a team. Share household tasks and avoid gatekeeping. That's the latest term in this year. And then the last one says, as some ways to build a marriage partnership avoid making important decisions independently. Consider taking your partner's thoughts and feelings into account when you make decisions, and vice versa. So I want you all to think about some of those tools that was just shared. What's?

Kenya:

on your mind. No, I mean, there's a lot there. I want to go back to what you had talked about before, and one of the things that really hit me as you were, you know, giving that synopsis is it just goes back to a heart condition of people.

Shan:

Okay, it's a heart condition.

Kenya:

Why have we gotten to the spot in our relationships and marriages and dating and things of that nature, where everything has to be the flashy the money, this, that and others? It's about a heart condition. And people are starting to say well, it's all about me, I want you to do this and this is all I'm going to do, and so, while some people will say I require this in my relationships, it's funny to me how you can have requirements, but the other individual can't have no requirements for you.

Kenya:

Because, when you go that way, you don't have balance in your relationship. So I'll just use this as an example. If I require my wife to cook, I might want to be the one that brings the food in the house. Let's take it back way back before, when before we had grocery stores and you had to live off the land. I can't require her to cook and I ain't bringing nothing in the house. I got to be one going out there shooting a deer, skinning a rabbit or something of that nature.

Kenya:

It doesn't balance out. If I require something from you, I got to be able to have something that goes along with it. It does no good for you to require me to go hunt and then, when I kill it, nobody don't know how to cook it. That's where that partnership comes in. Yes, if I do go out and make all the money and I'm not going to say this is a bad thing, because God can do it seedling abundantly. Above all, we can ask or think that may be a young man or a young lady out there that's getting ready to get married to somebody, and they may be from the hood, and that person is from I don't know Affluential.

Shan:

Yeah, they're in the Hamptons.

Kenya:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey whoever you meet, whoever you love. That's what it is. Yes, but can you balance that individual out?

Shan:

Can you build together?

Kenya:

That's it, because I might be from the Hamptons, let's say, shan is from the hood. Mm-hmm, hey, hey, I'm just spending frivolously, I don't care, I'm not managing no checkbook or nothing, right? But because how she grew up, she can say well, hold on a minute, baby, look, check this out. Blah, blah, blah. What are you bringing to the table?

Shan:

Yes so.

Kenya:

I'm bringing the money, but I don't know how to manage it.

Kenya:

Right, that's where that balance comes in at. That's where that partnership is at. Don't handle money. Well, you think it's always going to grow on trees. Let me show you how we keep our tree going. That's what it's all about. We can't get caught up in this thing that the world is trying to show us. Well, you know what? I don't need a man for nothing. I don't need this, or how it's turned now, as men are now saying I don't need a woman for nothing, they show off.

Kenya:

I can just have somebody to give me a few dollars here and there and I I'm going to lay on this couch today, that couch tomorrow, wherever I can be at.

Kenya:

And it's all because we have let the world system come in and affect the negative way of how God was designed marriage to be, so we just got to reverse that thing. The other thing that I kind of wanted to talk about as we were talking about Naomi is we have to understand, as we bring to the table, take away all of the materialistic things, and ask yourself what's left. Ask yourself what's left, because if that's all that you can bring, you're going to be lacking in some areas. And we know and I'm just going to be honest, this is an adult show there's a lot of people that say they bring a lot of stuff to the table and then, when they don't live up to that that other person that they married now they go find it with somebody else. So be honest with yourselves. Don't set yourself up for failure saying I can do this, that and other, and then you can't come through on it.

Kenya:

Words are just words. Actions speak louder than words. So I will tell you when Shannon and I got together, I told her this type person I am, this is what I like to do. When Shannon and I got together, I told her this type of person I am, this is what I like to do. If there's one thing that, hopefully, you will never have to worry about, it's going to be bills paid and food in the house. I'm going to promise you that we're going to eat. I'm an outdoorsman. I'm going to hunt fish. Whatever I got to do, I'm going to work hard and that's what I have delivered on. Now. Am I a perfect individual? No, because I got some ice in there. That's freezing some stuff up too.

Kenya:

This is being real, but with the most part of it, can we sit down in our relationships and just be honest with ourselves? Why bring somebody else's into the tomfoolery? When you talk about partnerships, how many of y'all out there listening have said that I want to join this organization, I want to be a part of this business, I want to get in on this business venture. And then, when you really get deep into it, you find out it ain't everything that it was cracked up to be. Why do we do that with our relationships? We'll do that so quick with everything else, but we won't pay attention to our relationship and say this ain't something that maybe I need to be joined with. I'm going to say that again Maybe this ain't something I need to be joined with, and it's not a bad thing, because everything doesn't go together, right, everything doesn't go together. Mashed potatoes and gravy, it goes together. You know, maybe rice and beans that go together it go together All the water don't mix.

Kenya:

It does not. And sometimes, when we're at the table, whatever we bring, when we see that it's not mixing well, it might be best to say maybe this isn't the right person for me. Now that's not to say that sometimes opposites they do attract. Sometimes it balances out that way but guess what? I don't care what nobody tells you. That's between you, that individual, and God.

Shan:

Yes.

Kenya:

That's it. I've had a lot of people tell me that me and my wife we don't really look like y'all go well together. But well, people say that from the beginning 25 years, five kids, five grandkids later say something totally different.

Shan:

Come on, lord, won't he do it?

Kenya:

And that's what we have to understand. I'm going to say this and I'm looking to get married. That's your table, that's you and that individual that you want to share. Whatever it is at that table, that ain't your mom and your daddy, your aunts and your uncles. That ain't the bishop, the pastor, that ain't the teacher at school. Now, I'm not saying that to say other people can't impart good things into your relationship.

Shan:

They can.

Kenya:

But when it comes to what you bring to the table and how you're going to manifest the things that come from that, that's between you and that man, you and that woman. However your marriage is set up, that's between y'all, because, guess what? Everybody can't eat at your table.

Shan:

Everybody cannot Drop mic.

Kenya:

Everybody can't eat at your table.

Shan:

That's true, and so this is the thing. If you're listening and you're single and you're thinking about marriage or it's truly in your heart to desire marriage, whether you be male or female, one of the questions that I wrote before we came on the show is ask yourself when looking at this individual now listen, listen now, because, like Kenya said, people are good for display bells and whistles. You can say, oh, I wanted somebody who's educated. Check this, check, check, check, check. You know, and it can look really good. But don't stay on the surface. We encourage you to go deep. Okay, hey, if we decide to get married one day and our marriage is in turmoil, ask these type of questions. This is free that we give it out. Are marriages in turmoil? How are we going to get it back to a nice resolve? These are deep questions. I wish I would have known years ago.

Kenya:

You know what I'm saying. If I lost everything that I got that you see me with right now, are you still going to be there?

Shan:

Yes, and God forbid I fall in times of sickness because I'm going to let y'all notice. There are people out there who know that they're sick and they do not disclose it until right after. You say I do, because either you got some good health insurance and they don't. They need somebody to take care of them, because they need to burn bridges. This is why it's so important to do a Matthew 6 and 33 seek ye first the kingdom of God. You better seek God first. You better wait that thing out a little bit know what I'm saying To see if that person's really on the up and up. But the question that I put down is I want you to ask yourself can you be in partnership with this person? Can you be in partnership with them? Can you grow with them? Can you come to the table and you all act like? You know, not act like, but be, be equally yo. Now, this is the thing. That doesn't mean that you babysitting them. That doesn't mean that you, being a parent because this is what I'm saying a lot of women do right now you're ending up with men who got mommy issues and you trying to mommy him instead of walking in the order of being his wife and then, when y'all been in this marriage 10 to 15 years, you are per big man, huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf because why I got to be his mama? He just like another one of one of our children. You did that, you created that. You can't be superman or superwoman and try to fix the person in whom you, you are with. You can't fix everyone, and so think about it. When it comes to partnership, can I be in partnership with this person Before you, even again singles, get into partnership with anyone or marriage, because we do not want to make a spectacle of God's marriage and me and Kenya is not going to set up and try to act like y'all already know.

Shan:

Y'all have been hearing the show for about seven, eight years. We've been sharing, we already have come to the conclusion, that of which we go through. God allows us to go through it so we can share with y'all, so it could be a blessing to someone else. But these are the things we encourage you all to look at. So, baby, for the people, for the people in the last little bit of the show that we have left and I know that's kind of random and off the top of my head. Um, let's share with them things that we had to learn in order to become a partnership with each other and, whether it be good or bad, we learned. I had to learn to stop doing this. We had to learn between us to do that. What would you, what would you share? And the things that we bring to the table, so what we're talking about tonight, what the kings have been through, okay, Okay, I'm going to take that.

Kenya:

I'm going to spin it a little bit, okay, just to show people that we don't play around with this. Right, I'm going to do the things that I know that you learned. Okay, and you do the things that you know I learned Okay For my wife. Early on, she had a idea or a theory in her mind that, even though we were married, that I, in a sense, was trying to control her. In other words, she was saying I don't need a man for nothing, I don't need you for this, that and other. And what she had to learn was that it wasn't about the need, so to speak. It was what I was supposed to be doing. That's how I'm supposed to be in a relationship and protect and provide and look out for you this, that and other. I think she also learned in the midst of it she said it several times on the radio where I talked about that part about everybody can't eat at your table, and this is something that we learned together. We always had people at our house.

Kenya:

We would barbecue in a heartbeat. And I remember my mother told me this. It was some other individuals that we hung around. I said, hey, baby, everybody ain't supposed to be in your house. We're just looking at it just like. We're just trying to be good stewards of what God has given us. Some people may not be eating on the weekends. They can come by and get a plate. That's the way we were looking at it. But other people looking at it, well, what can I get my foot in in the door? Everybody can't eat at your table. So we started getting very selective, uh, with the individuals that we hung around. And then another thing I would say um, that my wife learned and this is probably us together as well is that we love church we we really do, uh.

Kenya:

But then it came a time in our relationship we would spend so much, much in the church. We weren't putting nothing into us.

Shan:

Yes.

Kenya:

And we had to back away from that, and I still thank God for this woman today that my wife at Caneville College said hey, do y'all do date nights or anything? That's the reason why the Kings do date nights to this very day, right, because of what she imparted in us, because that was for the benefit of our relationship, because she went through that same thing, benefit of our relationship because she went through that same thing. And so the last thing I'll say and this is just I'm going to jump on me that was her. I'm going to jump on me just to say one of the things I learned I can't help everybody.

Kenya:

I was raised to be a helper. I believe that is something that God put down on the inside of me. But one of the biggest issues that we have within our relationship was that I was always trying to help everybody, not realizing everybody wasn't looking at me trying to be a helper. There were some individuals that was looking for some other stuff. There were some individuals that were trying to take advantage of. There were some individuals that say, well, if I can keep him separated from her, then they won't be together or I can side my way in. So I had to realize there's nothing wrong with being a helper that God has sent me to be. But I got to use the discernment as well, to know when somebody truly needs help and when I need to back away from that thing, Because that may be a pit that somebody is setting a trap for me at.

Shan:

So OK, so one of the things and, like he said, I can't solely say that it's just him, this is going to be some things I'm sure I'm going to say that it's us, but when it comes to tonight's topic, what do you bring to the table? And then being fire and ice and the kings in our table is one of the biggest things that I can say that we both learn, because from our culture, we were often taught that if we need help, we just take it to the Lord in prayer and that's it. But we both learned that mental health is important, not just the fact of us god placing us in the position, and we're not speaking from that hat on tonight. We're speaking from marriage, mondays with the kings. That hat okay, but but we can't, um, not include being mental health providers. Before we became mental health providers, we were struggling. We were struggling within our individual selves, we were struggling. We were struggling within our individual selves, we were struggling within our marriage. And so you know, I remember telling my nah, I got to go get some help, I got to go to counseling. Not only was I going to counseling, he was going to counseling.

Shan:

Mental health is very important when it comes to marriage. So when it came to our table with all the things that we were doing and constantly pouring out, he just shared with you all, being there for everybody. I was the same way, baby. Let let my family call me for something. I don't, we probably ain't even paid all our bills yet and I used to be baby. I got to help them. I got to help them because I did grow up in the hood and you're not supposed to leave anybody behind, you know, and he was very supportive. So mental health is one um recognizing our strong suits. So being a man, um and many of you men can probably attest to this on tonight You've often basically been taught, and it's been grinding you, that you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Shan:

So when I used to ask my husband, baby, are you okay? I could look and tell my husband was in pain. I can look and tell that things wasn't right. I could feel it in my spirit, because my discernment is on a thousand. I could feel him and then he say, nope, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, nothing's wrong Me. How many y'all can attest to that? Huh, and she, trying to be your, help me, but you could. That's some things that we learned. And guess what? What I had to learn in that is I had to come to him and say look man, look bro, like baby I'm trying to help you. You don't have to carry all this. So, recognizing our strong points we recognized in our marriage and bringing things to the table, we had to recognize what we bring into the table. We were so accustomed, especially both being prior military, we was uh, we were trained to adjust, adapt and overcome, make it happen.

Kenya:

You know you talk about suck it up and drive on.

Shan:

We were both non-commissioned officers who joined the military at 17 and 18 years old, so trying to carry that weight on our own when God has put us in partnership. We didn't know how to partner because we were both military first. Okay, now spending time with each other and taking time off of work. Listen here, this one right here is a good one and I know we haven't yet told the show, but this one right here is a good one for the simple fact that I remember I used to ask my husband Well, first, our friends taught us. We have some good friends. I'm going to shout them out. They didn't give us permission, but we love y'all, the Fontenots. The Fontenots taught us how to travel back in I think it was 2006, when we were stationed at Fort Campbell, kentucky. Okay, they taught us how to travel. All right, the potters taught us how to date. So with the fontanels, I'm thinking it's expensive.

Shan:

So as we got on this routine of traveling and getting away, we didn't have a healthy balance. And I used to ask my husband baby, okay, so we all going on a trip here, or how about these days? And what he would always say is and again this goes back to a military mindset. Well, I got to go to work and I got to check and see what we got going on at work and I just be like what, what you mean? You got to go check and I keep asking and keep asking to eat, keep asking. I think it was something that was going on a program.

Shan:

He was over and I was able to make a correlation to say you see how you upset that the general at that time didn't sign that policy. That's how I feel when I'm trying to accomplish something for us so you can get away and not be overwhelmed in this job. I'm trying to get answers for you, just like you trying to get answers from the general. And he was like oh. And so I was like please don't tell me anymore. Hey, I'm not lying, please don't tell me anymore.

Shan:

And hey, I'm not lying, please don't tell me anymore that you got to go check the job first because I had to learn to myself while I was getting so frustrated, what that communicated to me is your job comes first, okay, and we come second. That's how it had to be, because we was in the military. We came up in the army that if the army wanted us to have a military. Uh, if the army wanted us to have a family, they would have issued us one, and although he was retired, he was still in that same army mindset. So now we plan, I get away and our balance, but go ahead. I know you had something else?

Kenya:

no, this is the last thing I'll say. We talked about this topic. What are you bringing to the table? Fire and ice? Understand that you both of y'all might be fire, both of y'all may be ice. There's good qualities in both, right, but you got to find a balance there. Yes, if you've got too much fire, stuff cooks and it burns. If you've got too much ice, something freezes and there's nothing that goes for it. It gets stale and it gets stuck in. The next thing I'll tell you is this and I feel that this is going to be speaking to some people out there Okay.

Kenya:

I don't care what you brought to the table. That same thing is going to keep coming up over and over and over again.

Shan:

Yes.

Kenya:

You don't go to your table and cook pot roast and that's the only time you cook pot roast. Pot roast is going to show back up on your table again. So be willing to have these conversations, not just that one time when you're thinking about dating and getting married and all that. This has to be stuff that is constantly talked about from time to time, because you have to keep renewing your mind, you have to keep working on issues, because the world is changing. New things are coming about. Even though they say there's nothing new under the sun, there's still new things that popped up in your relationship that you may not know before, and you got to know how you're going to handle that. Are you going to bring the fire? Are you going to bring the ice to it? Right? So our thought of the week is going to be coming from a Pinterest quote, and it reads as such One spouse cannot build or fix a marriage when the other spouse is committing to destroying it.

Shan:

It takes two to build and one to destroy. That is deep and once again that comes from Pinterest.

Shan:

Yes. So thank y'all so much for joining us for another show of Marriage Mondays with the Kings. We want to thank our sponsor, christian Humor 4 slash Inspiration. Listen, go to Facebook, search out Christian Humor 4 slash Inspiration. Like that page, okay, so you can get some inspiration and we thank God for them. We want to let you know that, if you want to get in communication or contact with the Kings, we want to let you know that if you want to get in communication or contact with the Kings, you got a topic, a question or anything, go to our website, marriagemondayswiththekingscom, hit on that contact us tab and trust our team will get that information to us. So we want to thank you so much for joining us for another amazing show that we feel we ask that you join us back next Monday at 7 pm Central Standard Time. If God says the same, we will be here and, as always, keep it locked right here on KRGN 98.5 FM the Rock.

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